Ask for Help: A Happiness and Relationship Boost


Asking for help can be a stretch sometimes.  It can make us feel vulnerable.  But scientific evidence shows that people like to help.  It makes them feel good.  It boosts their happiness.  But we already know that – we all feel good when we can give someone a hand. And very importantly, helping enables relationship bonds to become stronger.

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in being independent and going it alone that we forget that relationships are the best source of mutual support.  Being able to help someone just makes you feel good.  But when we need help and don’t ask for it we forget about that.  And sometimes we don’t even realise that we need help – we are just used to getting on with it and ‘coping.’

Asking for help deepens relationship
From a scientific point of view science tells us that helping others sets off the Law of Reciprocity.  This is a deeply embedded social behaviour which enables relationships (and communities and nations) to thrive.

When we help someone it kick starts the Law of Reciprocity.  We help someone, they are happy and grateful (or occasionally not) to receive the help and they then feel predisposed to help you back.  This may not be immediately, but there is a level energetic ‘debt’ that lingers.  This idea can be evidenced in society at every level:

  • “givers get”
  • “karma”
  • “I owe you”

Of course, giving is often imparted selflessly with no idea that we will receive gain.  The gain can be derived just from the giving.  It just feels good to help someone out.

And its that good feeling of giving and receiving that creates and deepens relationships:

I help someone and that makes me feel good.  They accept the help and they feel better and they see me in a warm and friendly light.  Both of us start to develop stronger positive feeling towards each other and we begin to get to know each other better.  I then know that that person is someone that I can ‘depend on.’  They will be there when I need them most.

Money for Help: A clean exchange.  No relationship necessary.
Money is a funny thing.  Its a way to getting lots of help without the kick-staring the Law of Reciprocity.  You hand over your money, you get the thing or service that you need and bingo!  The energy cycle is complete.  Nothing more to be done.

Exchanging money for help is clean.  It’s not messy.  There are no blurred edges. But studies of happiness show that money is important to reported feelings of happiness but only to a certain degree. At a certain income level, having more money makes absolutely no difference to your happiness level but having good relationships does.

Law of Attraction and asking for help
Asking the universe for help is a bit like handing over money for help.  It’s clean.

  • You ask for what you truly, truly want
  • You get it
  • No guilt necessary, no karmic debt to pay
  • Simple

Deepen relationships with giving and receiving
There are relationships of all sorts and they vary in what they do for us

  • doing things – spending time doing things with others instead of alone
  • sharing heart and soul – communicating our thoughts and feelings
  • sexual – exchanging sexual energy and good physical, emotional and spiritual feelings

Good relationships increase happiness
Good relationships are reported to be the most significant factor affecting a person’s happiness level.  And sharing the good as well as bad times is part of  creating strong relationships that are rewarding. Part of that process is being vulnerable and asking and accepting help.

So what stops us asking for help sometimes?
Taken from the other point of view it can feel awkward and uncomfortable when you are not used to asking for help.  Some people do not life to ask for help.  They see themselves as independent and like that others see them that way.

Is this you?
You are normally independent and capable but now you need help.  You may feel vulnerable.  You may not know how to ask for help.  You may not even want to ask for help even when you feel desperate.  You may feel that asking for help will make you feel beholden or you may feel that your relationships with the person will change, in a way that you might not be comfortable with, if you ask for help. You may feel that you don’t have close relationships where you can ask for help.  You have always been so independent that you’ve never needed help.  Perhaps because of this others have never asked you for help.  Perhaps this means that your relationships are not as close as they could be.

So how can you get past this hurdle?  How can you ask for help and feel good about it?

When is it time to ask for help?

  • When you are stuck – you have tried everything you know how to solve your own problem but you can’t
  • When its obvious people want to help you but they know you are stubborn/proud and find it hard to ask or accept help.  They are ready for you to ask but you haven’t been able to.
  • When your inability to ask for help is holding you back both in your life and your relationships.  It might look like stubbornness from the outside.  It’s not.  It’s fear based.  You don’t want to feel vulnerable.

How to feel better about asking for help?
Back to the law of reciprocity.  You can use this in your favour to make you feel better about asking for help. Sometimes we don’t want to ask for help because we think that we would be beholden to someone if we did.  Ideas to feel in control of that energy inequality:

  • Go out of your way to create a Big Deal Thank You.  Find ways to SHOW your gratitude.  Not just in words but by creating something special.  A meal, a poem, making a gift, creating a thank you video.  Create a thank you that you will enjoy giving and that you know will mean something to the person that has helped you. Sometimes being embarrassed to ask for help means that you skirt over the help when its given instead of embracing it and being grateful.
  • Give them a funny IOU note.  Let them know that when they need your help they can cash it in and you will be there.
  • Instead of asking for help ask for an energy exchange.  “I really need help with this but I feel very awkward asking.  It would feel better to me if I could do something for you in exchange.  What could I do for you that would help you in some way?”

Do you need to ask someone for help right now?  How can you make it easier to do so?

This blog post was inspired day 10 by Natalie Sisson’s 15 day blog challenge.




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